Saturday, March 25, 2006

Stupid Uterus

It didn't work.

Stupid Uterus.

Well, I had a good cry for about a half an hour, then cast on for the retro ribbed socks. I refuse to put any more energy into infertility, I already wasted 3 years. Focus on the future I say! Thank GOD I have a wonderful husband who loves me anyway, and doesn't at all mind adoption. I said to him today that if we couldn't afford adoption I would definitely lose my mind. No really, this shit can really make you nuts. I think if we couldn't afford it, I would beg, borrow and steal to get the money. We are meant to be parents, that I know in my heart.

Tonight I am going to throw away all medicines and other traces of IVF treatment and take much satisfaction in it thank you very much, and will probably follow up with something heavily laden with chocolate. It may seem to some that I am in denial, but I don't think I am. I have always been a person of action. If something doesn't work, try something else (makes me good in emergency me, you'd want me there if you were on a sinking boat - which actually happened to me once). I'm sad, but I'm more mad that I failed, since I am an over-achiever. I read on a fellow blogger's post that you make a better adoptive mom after having gone through all this. It makes you stronger somehow. I like to think that the child we were meant to have wasn't due to be born until around now, and this was God's sick way of fending us off for the time being. Whatever, "it is what it is" is what I always say, and no more true than now.

Okay, so as promised, no more talk about this. Stick a fork in me, I'm done. Fat lady has sung.

Good night, Good Luck, Amen


At 5:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like the way you think. I wish I had better answers and advice, but I know you and your husband will persevere and before you know it you'll child will be graduating from high school and your fertility nightmare will be so far in the past!!

And holy crap--what an AWESOME cable scarf---I LOVE IT!!!!

Your Cheapfree SP

At 5:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Guh, apparently I need some money for spelling lessons--that should read "your child" not you'll child..Geeze!

At 5:39 PM, Blogger Sonya said...

My husband and I are planning to adopt from China down the road a little. The cost is intimidating, but I always have to remind myself that it's less than most new cars. Somehow that makes me feel less freaked out. We too are let's-find-a-way-around-the- roadblock thinkers. It doesn't totally eliminate the pain though.

At 5:50 PM, Anonymous Dani said...

I have a friend who just got home 3 weeks ago from her China adoption, When and if you are ready, I KNOW she would be happy to talk to you and share her entire process with you. She's here on the island with us too... plus it will be another reasont to tempt you to come hang out with us on a Thursday night ;-) Email me when you feel like it, we can take this offline whenever you want!

Allow yourself the cry, and the whole range of emotions, enjoy the chocolate and remember that you and your husbnad will find the answers that work for you both together, and friends will be here to listen and help however possible.

At 1:27 PM, Blogger mama k said...

I just want to say good for you. You are going to get the child/children that you are meant to have. I am sure you will cherish that child and be a fabulous mom. Hang in there!


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